A crushed spirit

Who knows what it is to have a crushed Spirit? I can tell you that I do. Sometimes the people closest to us, the people that should love us the most are the ones that stomp our spirits until it’s all crushed up laying there on the floor. It’s something to break someone’s heart, terrible feeling . However that is not what I’m talking about here, no this one is the one where you can feel it hurt in your inner most being and you can’t stop the tears from flowing down your face. 

Praise the Lord that I have Jesus and crying out to him in such pain gives me great comfort. They say hurt people hurt people, well I can tell you that when we choose not to hurt back out of hurt – we give God a change to jump in to the rescue. And ooh when he comes to the rescue you are happy you were biting your tongue and held your words back. 

Words don’t hurt, you say? Well then you are different then me and as most of us, good for you. To the ones that know what I’m talking about I would like to share this story with you. Now let me tell you that God is healing me as I’m writing this, with tears still in my eyes. 

These past weeks have been some weeks. I recently moved in by my father on his request as my grandmother died and the house is to big for him and his wife alone. The thing is that God had led me to this verse over and over before the move and before I knew this request would come up from my father. 

Matthew 19:5 (KJV)And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Right, being the single woman I am and never been married, I knew God wanted me under my fathers covering. God had dealt with my disrespect towards my father first, then the Bible verse and after that came my fathers request. I knew it was God’s confirmation and I obeyed. I knew God wanted to use this for my learning process, however it’s REALLY not easy. A weak ago I asked God to heal me from being a people pleaser, I even told God that I have no clue what the root cause is for me being a people pleaser. Well God showed me today and it hurts. 

Let me start with saying that I’m a 100% positive that my father loves me, no doubt in my mind and he has very good characteristics as well. However sometimes his way of loving is not always easy. For this blog post I will talk about the hard part. My father constantly points out short comings in people, yells and often times has something negative to say. So again today! However after hearing it so many times in the past weeks – today I broke down. 

When my father was telling me my shortcomings as per his view, this time I stayed quiet and did not say a word ( that was 100% God believe me😊) When my father was done and left I started to praise God using the alphabet, well when I reached the letter Z I broke down. I felt so much hurt, so much unworthiness I felt so much like a failure and it all hit me at once. I cried and it would not stop. I then walked over to my prayer closet and started to read God’s word about his children that I have written on the walls of my prayer closet.

I started with: Psalm 139:17 (KJV)
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

And then: Isaiah 43:4 (KJV)
Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.

Next:Jeremiah 1:5 (KJV)
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

For the ones that want to know all that I read aloud see the remainder of the list here: 1 Thessalonians 1:4, 1 John 3:1-2, 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17, psalm 139:13-16, John 14:27, Isaiah 43:1, psalm 34:4

Now please know that in the beginning I did not want to read God’s word aloud because of my pain, I even thought how is this going to help me. When I was done I sat on my bed and cried some more and started to talk to God, I said: God if I can atleast hear you say when in front of you one day: well done good and faithful servant – then God my life was at least worth it, to hear it from you. 

I then asked God how to deal with this pain and it’s then that God said to me: Romy your father does not know better, how can he -without loving me? You are my daughter and I gave Jesus for you, I love you that much. Write about this so that other people who need this can read it and be healed as well. Do not give the enemy satisfaction,  do not let this break you but use this to build people up. 

This is what you have had to deal with all your life,  you thought you were over it as you moved out at a young age and went and lived life on your own – but you never healed. Nobody heals by running away, no to the contrary this was your root cause of becoming a people pleaser. 

Your works stop here today because: Romans 5:8 (KJV)
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Isaiah 43:1 (KJV)
But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

We are his, called by name and redeemed by all mighty God, what can mere man do to us? Psalm 118:6. 

I can tell you that I feel different now, today was a huge step towards my healing. Every step I took today brought me closer to my healing. The pain is gone, the sadness as well and the sting no more. God is the greatest of them all, praise the name of Jesus.

Ps: it’s my fathers birthday tomorrow, I can’t wait to decorate his favorite room in the house tonight when he is asleep. This is a very good change to show him the love that comes from God, because God loved me first I can pour out love to people that need it the most. Be blessed and…………

Remember, 

God loves you much❤️

Saludos Romy Ras.