A little of my journey on how I’m getting to know God

When I was a child my grandmother ( mothers side) taught me to pray every time I stayed over to sleep at her house. I was baptized Catholic as baby, I think just out of tradition because my parents were not Religious at all. Anyway that’s another story for another time. So to continue -my grandmother thaught me to pray: she would say that we should pray two our Father prayers and one Maria prayer ( Maria is never even mentioned in the bible to pray too, this is not from God words) Honestly I think I was just doing it to please my grandmother, I don’t believe I understood at that time what I was doing – really. I believe I was just going through the motion not fully understanding God. 

It was not until years later, after I left my birth country and went to live on an Island ( my fathers birthplace) that I was explained a little about the bible. I actually received my first bible at the time from a co-worker who was a Christian at the time. This woman introduced me to following God, she asked me to come to church with her and she explained things of God to me. I was still very young at the time, I was 19 years old. 

The second time i went to church with her and my Bofriend of then 3 years. I remember God telling me in church that I was pregnant, i recognized the way he spoke to me because it was the same way I had been spoken to when I was only 6 years old. However Because I still had my (woman cycle) going on as normal at the time I did not believe I was pregnant. I home tested 3 times and 3 times it came out positive, however I still did not believe so I went to the doctor. The doctor also confirmed that I was pregnant and she send me to the specialist. I was indeed pregnant and I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time of check up.

Life took its course with up and downs. I would speak to God occasionally when I could not bare the situation of life anymore and I would pray sometimes but I for sure was not fully committed to God. After a couple of months of my daughters birth I left her father. The relationship had always been Rocky and i had enough of it, I prayed to God who gave me strength to leave. 

Years later I attended a 7th aventage church at times. I became vegetarian and I would keep the Sabath day and I would fast for God. It’s during this time that I learned allot about the Roman Catholic Church that surprised and scared me. I defenately did not want to be a Catholic anymore but it took me some time to change and become a Christian. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think someone’s religion is more important than someone’s heart towards God, I do believe however that everyone should pray about the religion they choose to take and make sure the religion follows the bible – God’s written word. I strongly believe that the Catholic Church does not follow God’s written words, but that will be a different blog someday. 

To continue the story, I remained a vegetarian for two years however I did not continue to attend the 7th aventage church. I took what I learned from it and went on with life for a while, living the life. Going to parties, drinking and doing what I wanted. I did learn not to sleep with men and I’m happy I learned this at the time I was attending church. Because Of this I did not take a relationship that would of never worked anyway further. The man I was dating for a couple of months did want to sleep with me, however I definitely wanted to follow God’s way so I ended the relationship. He went and told everyone he had dumped me after sleeping with me and all I could do was laugh with the lie. That whole scenario thaught me so much and I just stayed calm , I was so happy That I followed God. The man in question did rectify his lie later on and announced in a public place that he had lied about me and he asked me for foregiveness for lying. You see God is good. 

Eventually I got tired of the party life, such an empty life. The men always waiting to see when would be the best time to hook you in. I was never an one night stand kind of girl, I always thought I was to precious and worthy for such low acts. I would not look twice at a man even daring to ask me to occompany him in such a disrespectful act, no I would always walk away. I thank God for always guiding me even through my very wrong and prideful self. God’s love for us is truly amazing. God never left me And I decided later to attend a Christian Gospel church. 

Me and my best friend at the time started to attend this church together. We changed are whole life’s and we were only interested in God based events. We would only look at christian tv chanchels and we would only listen to Christian music. The problem was though that we were not really building a relationship with God, I think now (and I could be wrong) that we were just being religious. Wanting the right thing however going about it the wrong way. But God’s love was so great during that time, there is nothing that could compare to it. I really believe that God meets you at the level you are at, we were definitely babies in Christ. 

Life was different and good, but then one of my old boyfriends who I also had a really good friendship with showed back up in my life. First ofcourse as friends, he would go to church with me and not long after he would tell me he wanted to change his life. He reminded me that he had always said that once he was ready to change his life he would come look for me and so he did. I told him I wanted to stay Faithfull to God which included obstaning until marriage, he agreed. We dated and we got baptized as Christians together. I believed this was God sending me my husband but then soon after, it went all down hill from there.

It went good for the first 3 months but then we failed and I became pregnant, I had failed the comitment I wanted to keep for God. My life changed for the worse after that. I passed through much pain and heartache because I had choosen to love the wrong man and ooh I loved him so much. You see I thought: because my grandmother ( fathers side) had married a Haitian man when she was young that I wanted to follow her footsteps and marry a Haitian man as well. The only difference being between me and my grandmother was that I would occasionally pray to God eventhough I was falling further and further away being in that relationship . The day marriage became a subject I prayed to God and ended the prayer with: God however let your will be done and not mine, only let it come to pass if it is your will. Well after that every time when the subject of marriage came up we would end up in a big fight – not talking to each other for days. I’m really thankful for God’s protection over me because I see now that he is not the person for me, God kept me safe. I always thought that if someone said that they believed in God that they believed in the One true God, well I know now that we can’t trust someone’s saying we have to look at their actions it will eventually show their heart. 

I have two kids now with him and I thank God for my kids. It’s not always easy but I would not want it any other way. I left him two years ago and it broke my heart because I truly loved that man very much and 14 years of knowing someone is not easy to let go. Through the years we always remained friends as we had started out in our twenties. It was not easy and It took much prayer, struggle and crying. I have everything to thank God for. I had a choice to make, to stay in a relationship and continue to sin against God or to choose for God and walk away and loose the friendship as well because he did not want to break up. I’m happy I choose God, I’m happy God held my hand every step of the way.

It was not easy and I don’t want to make anyone believe that choosing the way of God will be easy, it’s not always easy in the beginning. Sometimes we have to let go of what we think we love so much, this sometimes also means confronting your fears. One of my fears was to stay alone, I always wanted a man next to me just not to be alone. God showed me that this is not the right attitude and not the way. When I cried out to God to get me out of that relationship it was hard because it was like the more I wanted to get away the harder I was being pulled in. It really felt like a struggle to get out, it was hard. Because I never wanted to be alone I also prayed to God and asked him to keep my heart closed for all men that he does not have for me. That was the best prayer I prayed because God started to break down my old habits and I started to look at life differently. Before I just wanted to get married and live happy ever after, now I only want it if it is send by God himself. I have been single for almost two years now and I don’t look at it as something bad anymore. Do I still want to be married someday? Ooh yes I would love that but only in the way of the Lord and if it’s his will, it’s not a must anymore. 

If I look back at my life and I can tell you of things I do different now, I can deffinately tell you that I now talk to God very often. I don’t wait anymore until I’m in church or until before I go to sleep. No I talk to God at all times now. I do pray in the mornings and at night but I don’t limit my talking to God to only those times. No i talk to him on the way to work, or when I get an assignment I don’t understand or when my kids work on my nerves 😁 ( it happens, sorry) when I need to go to an important meeting, or when I need to send an important email, when somebody comes to me for encouragement or comfort and I don’t know how to give it, I pray in myself to God or when I’m weak or angry or happy and so on. 

You see God wants to have a relationship with us and a relationship involves allot of communication. I want God to be part of ALL my life not some assigned minutes during my day. I also ask God to give me the passion and want to keep him in my life. Because the second thing I did wrong in my early years was that i tried to do it all on my own, well the bible tells us that our spirit is willing but our flesh is weak. We can’t do this on our own we don’t have to, Jesus is here to help us – Jesus loves us so much and knows we can’t do it on our own. 

No matter how hard the way of God may feel or seem at the time I can tell you that God’s way is worth it. It’s worth every difficulty you have to pass through, there is nothing greater than to have God in your life. If I had to do it again I would choose God again just sooner this time. The struggle to get back to God is not harder then the struggle you live everyday without God, it just seems that way because you have to choose a different road and do away with old Habbits. Every step you take for God is worth like nothing else in this world, trust him – take Jesus hand and never let Go. Ask God for a renewed heart and a passion to serve him, God will be there the same he was and is here for me every day. 

I hope God can use my story to speak to people’s hearts, I’m a very private person and I don’t like to share my life with just anybody. However its not about me it’s about God and it’s about all of you who might need to read this story, may God bless you. 

God loves you much❤️

Saludos Romy Ras